Tuesday, August 30, 2005
that's it.
I can't take it anymore.
my irritation has pushed me off the edge.
i'm fed up with the low stature i chose to live with.
since all that i have done are futile and contradicted.
since all that i have done is crap.
no more.
enough of crap.
people want the truth? Fine.
Anyways, either way, whether telling the truth of not,
it will end up hurting some one right? right?!?!
i'm sick of my futile plans and ideas.
direct will be direct.
so, hmmm, why can't that person accept that i don't like him?
hmmm?!?!
why does he continue to pursue for me knowing that i'm a sick and selfish liar?
hmmm?!?!
well, that's what he is trying...no, wait...that's what he IS calling me.
selfish.
liar.
ungrateful.
but you know what? i don't effin care.
why should i complain?
I mean, it's his opinion about me.
Then so be it.
Label me as a lowlife, call me whatever he wants.
i won't care.
so, why not just accept to be an acquaintance at least?
hmmm?!?!
"how about friends?" i don't think so. everything was not proper at all.
I'm paranoid.
I'm paranoid because of him.
There is a despicably irritating thing about him which ticks me off.
big time.
Unfortunately, i don't know what.
There is something in him which gives a somewhat
"bad aura" aside from other men.
and i don't damn know what.
My effin' brain does not know!!!!
Bah.
Reverse psychology...?
Making me feel guilty...?
Neither of them work on me. too bad.
So many restless days i school i have spent.
hoping.
wishing.
almost suicidal.
that everything would finally turn out peacefully.
I know that at some point im not worth it all.
I'm not worth it at all.
Although my stupidity tries to make everything right.
I end up huting someone after all.
See?!
Futile effort.
So, if I am a liar, a selfish and ungrateful as what he says i am...
Then why pursue for a person like me anyway?
Why be somewhat persistent when he'll just end up being hurt by a worthless person such as myself?
Here I am.
Ranting yet again.
My only output.
My sense of bringing out these restless ideas.
Longing to be heard in the silence of reality.
Unending...spontaneous...voluntary words...
Hate me if you want.
Hate me for these words.
It is your choice to forgive.
But chances are that this will rarely be forgotten.
i am sorry.
But i cannot withstand myself anymore.
I cannot hold back any longer.
The war within has been unleashed.
Hatred has conquered my soul already.
Waiting to poison my mind and make me wreckless.
I now i cannot change him. I won't even dare.
I am not in the position to rule over anything.
It's like that. has been and always will be.
Longing for happiness and seek solitude?
let go.
Let go of the seemingly unending cycle of betrayal and failure.
No matter how much you long for it. No matter how long you hope for it.
Ask yourself....right now....NOW....
is it doing you any good?
are you going somewhere? anywhere at all?
am i totally worth it?
is everything going as planned?!?!?!
there are still more questions...
but they shall be discovered and answered by you
make me feel guilty again.
let my self-hatred consume me.
and leave me to rot in despair.
but my feel of guilt will not change anything.
it will only make things worse.
even reverse psychology.
damn.
im running around the bush again.
this is the end.
to part from the light i was given.
to find my happiness in this vast darkness.
to end my disturbing mind.
leave me be.
to be stabbed.
to bleed.
to die and rot.
to be nothing at all.
The Evil One blogged at 2:25 PM